Milk and Honey
by Soldier's Girl 27
Summary: We needed this. This was the one thing that would not only warm our insides, but bring us together. The one thing that would manipulate our senses and make us in love again. Our savior. Our own personal milk and honey.
1. Chapter 1

Milk and Honey

"_You told me once your body flowed with Milk and Honey." "What ever happened to our boy inside your tummy?"_

*Flashback*

He lies with his back facing me. I snuggle up to him, snaking my arm around his waist. "Not tonight." He groans. I turn the other direction, trying to get rid of the cold essence of rejection. He turns around, placing his head in the crook of my neck. "Don't be upset, babe." "I'm just tired." He reassures. Something in his voice made me not believe it. Something that told me he didn't believe it either.

Babe?" he questions curiously, trailing kisses down my shoulders. "Don't." I growled, shrugging him off. He rolled over on his back in frustration. Brightness came through the windows as I realized that it was morning. He gets up and leaves, leaving his warm musky scent behind. But what he doesn't realize is that when he leaves he takes a piece of my happiness away. But its okay, I'd make sure that he was back.

*Present Day*

He walks in the door. "Babe, I have exciting news!" I exclaim excitedly. "What is it?" he questions, his green eyes lighting up. "I think there might be a little Goldsworthy in here." I say, gesturing to my stomach. "I'm going to be a dad?" He screams. He reaches over and hugs me tightly. "We have plans to make!" He yells as he kisses me on the cheek and grabs the phone and heads upstairs.

I sit here with the door locked. The lock holding all of my sanity and strength. I looked down at my flat stomach. He thought there was a baby in there. There's no baby. But we needed this. This is the one thing that would not only warm our insides but bring us together. The one thing that would manipulate our senses and make us in love again. Our savior. Our own personal milk and honey.

"Goodnight Clare." He says kissing me. "And goodnight to the little Goldsworthy in there." He says kissing my stomach. I smile at him, masking my guilt. He snuggles up to me wrapping his arms around my waste. I lie awake thinking about what I just did. I don't even know what to think about myself anymore. But the truth is that everything is said and done and there is nothing I can take back. So now I lie here, waiting for my lie to unfold.

**Hey Guys!..Sorry haven't updated in a while..but I just got an inspiration..and BAM this story was born..Did anyone else almost lose their whiskers when they saw Eli holding that gun on the new promo?..I don't think he would have the heart to shoot anyone..but STILL..Poor Eli..Even when you're holding a gun, you're still irresistibly delicious..Lol..Please Review and tell me what you think..Anyone up for another chapter?**


	2. Silk

Silk

"_Look on the bright side." "See every time you laugh out loud, I'm crying inside."_

"Did you make an appointment with the gynecologist yet?" Eli questioned as I placed a glass of orange juice down on the table. "I told you." I started. "I'm making one this afternoon." I said convincingly. "Okay, just let me know when." "So I can get off work early." "Okay, but you should really get going." I warned. "Trying to get rid of me?" He smirked as he grabbed his bags and kissed my stomach. "Don't get any more pregnant without me." He smirked, his smile eating away at me on the inside.

He left. And now I was alone. Alone to face the monster bigger than the both of us. Me and my lie. I don't know how he is going to handle this. I don't know how any regular person should handle it. He just needs to know that all I want is for him to love me again. I just want that spark of compassion that flows through my veins, letting me know that he will always love me. Letting me know that I will always be his.

The door slams, leaving my thoughts scattered beneath the wood. "So, did you get that appointment yet?" Eli questions as he sets his bags down, removing his coat. "Yes." I answer back uneasily, my blue eyes drowning in my own guilt. "Well, when is it?" He asks curiously, brushing his dark bangs out of his green eyes. "Eli, maybe you should just go to work." I stated. "I'll be okay on my own." "And miss seeing my kid?" "I think not." He jokes smirking. "No Eli, I'm serious." I warn, making direct contact with his green eyes, my fierceness burning holes into them.

"Why don't you want me to go?" He questions, hurt mocking in his voice. "I didn't say that." I defensed. "Well then what are you saying?" He growled. "Why does everything have to be an argument with you?" I deadpanned. "I just stated an opinion and you go around blowing your top over nothing." "Nothing?" He screamed. "This isn't like you." He stated. "There's something you're not telling me."

"Why is it such a crime that I don't want you going to my doctor's appointment?" "Do I really have to have a reason?" I asked harshly. "Yes, yes the hell you do." He growled. "I try to be a good husband and go to a doctor's appointment to see my child and now I'm the bad guy?" His voice screeched, rough and jagged. "I never knew it was such a crime to care." He stated pulling at his dark strands of hair. "It's just." I started nervously. "Just what?" He screamed angrily. "There is no baby!" I yelled with pure hatred in my voice.

**Sorry Guys!.. Cliffy..I just couldn't help myself. Lol..Please Read and review and tell me what you think..Anyone up for Chapter 3?**


	3. Warmth

Warmth

"_I have the sense to be afraid, to be a fool." "But I'm on the fence to make you stay or to be cruel."_

I didn't realize, until the words burst out of my mouth, what fire I had just started. His mouth hung open, his lips afraid to speak. Afraid to face reality. "What the hell are you talking about?" His rough voice croaked. "I…" I started. "You what?" He yelled in disbelief. "I made it up." I stated as tears started to frolic out of my eyes and on to my face. He looked at me, his green eyes broken and sad.

"Why?" He cried, his tears making his eyes sparkle like emeralds. "Why would you do that?" His voice screamed in pure agony. I played with the wedding band on my finger. "Because when I told you, it was almost like." My voice trailed. "Almost like you loved me again." I said, my blue oceans drowning his green orbs. "That's crap, and you know it." He stated weakly. I looked up at him. "You haven't touched me in almost a year." I stated. "Explain that."

"I've been tired." He defensed harshly. "Every day for a year?" I questioned angrily. "Yes." He stated. "You're ridiculous Eli, we bought into the same thing everyone else has here." "A nice house, a perfect marriage." I started. "We're not happy." "Anyone can see that we're not." "We can't even get through a fucking conversation without a fight!" I yelled. He stood there staring at his shoes. He knew that every word I said was true. He didn't have the strength to deny it. Because he knows it has been eating away at him too.

"Why do I have to make up a fake baby, for you to love me again?" I questioned, my strength leaving my body along with my tears. "I don't know." "I don't fucking know." His voice cried as he tugged on the roots of his dark hair. I sat down in a chair and cried into my hands, letting my loud sobs escape. I pushed my hair back as I tried to soothe myself. He stood there watching me. I watched him watching me, his green eyes traveling over my thoughts. I couldn't take it anymore.

I grabbed my purse and reached for the door handle. "No." His strong voice bellowed. I stepped back. "This isn't fair; you don't get to leave me." He started. "I get to leave you; I get to leave you behind." He stated as he reached for the door knob. His boots clinked on the floor and slid out the door. And, this time, I wasn't sure if he'd be back.

**Hey Guys..Hit that sexy little button and tell me what you think?..Chapter 4 anyone? Who else almost broke a lamp when they saw the new degrassi episode last night? One word for that.. INTENSE..Silly Eli, shooting pictures doesn't make your problems go away.**


	4. Taste

Taste

"_Let's put away the sticks and stones, be human beings."_

Eli's POV

I don't know what I was more afraid of. How much I loved her or what she was capable of. She doesn't know how much it hurts me to fight with her. We fight because it's the only thing we can do. If we actually acted like adults, and faced our own problems, they'd be too much for us and we'd break. But we couldn't keep doing this. One of us had to do the worse task possible. One of us had to make things right.

I ran out the house to Morty and turned him on. I didn't know where I was going. But I knew what I had to do. I rang the doorbell to my house and waited. My body shook with nerves. It was like our first date all over again. If only it were that simple. She came to the door, her blue eyes hesitant to let me in. Let me in the house and back into her heart. "What do you want?" she spat. I guessed I kind of deserved that. "Can I come in?" I questioned hopefully. "I don't think that's a good idea." She deadpanned. "Please, I need to explain myself."

She opened up the door and I glided inside. "Look Clare." I started. "I haven't been the world's best husband and I'm sorry." "But you haven't been the world's greatest wife either." "But, I can change." I begged. "I'm willing to change for you." "Only if you let me." Her blue eyes lit up and she looked at me, drowning me in thought. "How do I know things will be different this time?" She whimpered. "Because I love you and I want us to be happy again." I stated. She kissed me. Her plump lips begging for every inch of my mouth.

We sat on the warm couch snuggled up. "We should do it." I started. "Do it for real." "Do what?" She questioned curiously. "Have our own family, a real one." I stated hopefully. "I don't know Eli, doesn't it seem too soon?" She asked worriedly. "No, we can start over, make things right." I reassured. "Look, we can even start now." I said seductively, kissing her neck. We moved up to our bedroom. She cuddled up with me, her head in the crook of my neck. It almost kind of reminded me of how things used to be.

My face met with the cold side of my pillow. I couldn't look at her right now. Not when my face is oozing with regret. I did it. The dirty deed has been done. And now there's nothing else I can do. Nothing else but watch. Watch the monster that I just created.

**Hey Guys!.. Thanks for all the great reviews.. I really like where this story is going.. Hit that little button..You know you want to..And tell me what you think..Chapter 5 anyone?**


	5. Touch

Touch

"_You push me out." "You push me out against the wall."_

Eli's POV 

I watched as the gel coated tube glided over Clare's stomach. Over my baby. "Do you see the head?" Clare squealed in excitement. I nodded and smiled uneasily. I guess she could sense my uneasiness because she squeezed my hand, trying to bring me back. She doesn't know how crazy this is for me. How crazy it is for me to see what mess I just made. The mess that will shatter our fragile little dream and make us come face to face with one thing we fear most. Reality.

I walk to the parking lot anxiously. "Eli, are you okay?" She questioned concerned. "Yeah, I'm fine." I reassured as I closed her door and backed out of the doctor's office. The car ride was silent. Bad silent. I could tell that she knew something was wrong. She kept looking at me, trying to get into my thoughts. Trying to see what I was thinking. But I didn't want her to. Because once she was in, she wasn't coming out. And I think she knew that.

We arrived home and I slid over to her door to help her out of the car. I grabbed her arm softly, being cautious of her fragile state. I lead her inside, my eyes watching the way she walked. The confidence striding with her legs, but the naivety sticking to her feet. She knew by the way that I looked at her, that she had me wrapped around her finger. And there was nothing I could do about it. I sat her down in the nearest chair. I watched the way her hand would immediately jump to her stomach as soon as the baby would kick. It was just like its mother, controlling her just like she controlled me. I had to change that. It needed to know that I wouldn't be like its mother. It needed to know that I would be different.

She looked at me, her blue eyes swallowing my thoughts. "Eli, are you sure you're okay?" She asked curiously. "Stop being paranoid!" I yelled. "I'm fine!" I reassured loudly. "Okay Eli." She said softly. "No, don't do that to me!" I started. "You look at me like you know I'm going to screw up this baby!" "I'm going to be a great father!" I screamed. "Who are you trying to convince, me or yourself?" She deadpanned. I looked at her, my green orbs burning holes in her blue oceans. And then I went upstairs and left her alone. Her words lingering in the air.

She followed me upstairs. "I'm sorry Eli; I know you're going to be a great father." She says as she leans in to kiss me. I pull away harshly. "You look at me like I'm gross or something." Clare states sadly. "You'll always be beautiful to me." I say warmly. "Then why won't you kiss me?" She questioned. I leaned over and kissed her passionately. She knows me too well. I don't want to pull away from her. It's just scary.. Scary to know that there is someone inside of her. Someone that could screw up our lives. A person that we made. Our own creation.

**Hey Guys!.. Thanks for all the great reviews.. Please review and tell me what you think. Anyone up for another chapter?**


	6. Noise

Noise

"_I should've known that you'd kick me hard when I'm on the ground."_

The words come out of his mouth. But I don't want to hear. It hurts too much to listen. It hurts too much to know that what he's saying isn't true. But he lies to me so well, I almost believe it. I almost want to believe it. But then there's that little noise in the back of my head that reminds me of what he's like. Of what he's capable of. And then I think, _maybe I'm not so bad after all. Maybe it's him I should be afraid of._

He tells me that I'll always be beautiful to him. I know he doesn't mean it. I see a glint of guilt in the green of his eye and I know that this is all just a game to him. But its okay, two can play that game. I can be convincing. I can make him believe in me. I can make him believe that I'm beautiful again. We're both afraid of each other because we know that when we come together, we create something far darker than ourselves. We create milk and honey. The warm sense of pretending that makes are stomachs feels full. The warm sense that makes us believe in love. Believe that things will be better if we just say those three little words

And so far it's working out. But now I'm starting to feel the heat. And the baby doesn't seem like such a good idea after all. But I can take it back. But taking it back would mean taking all of it back. But desperation can do terrible things to a person. That just might be a risk I'm willing to take. I look at the sharp gray edge of the blade. It could end all this madness. I lift up my shirt. I pick up the knife and jab it abruptly towards my stomach. Blood started to slowly drip down my stomach and into a puddle on the floor as I collapsed into it.

He comes in the room, his face shocked in horror. "Oh my god Clare, you're bleeding." He panics as he struggles to get his phone out of his pocket. The knife slips from my hand. He dials a phone number. "Yeah, yeah my wife she's bleeding." He yelled. "She's carrying a baby, I think she stabbed herself." He screamed into the phone as he tried to help me off of the floor. "Okay, okay." He said into the phone. "Aaah!" I screamed as I felt an excruciating pain in my stomach. He harshly wiped the tears from his face, trying to get himself together. He grabbed towels and pressed them up against me, trying to stop the bleeding.

"Why?" He whimpered as the ambulance came through the door and took me away. I squinted, my eyes adjusting to the newly bright light. He sat in the chair looking at me, his green eyes attacking me with a vicious stare. "You killed the baby, are you happy now?" He screamed. His green eyes were tear stained, and his hair was a disheveled mess. He never looked so beautiful. My broken little angle. "Eli, everything I do is because I love you." I stated. "I never asked you to kill the baby Clare." He yelled, tugging at the dark roots of his hair. "You didn't have to; I could see it in your eyes." I screamed back. "Did you really think that having this baby was going to fix us?" I questioned angrily.

"I can't believe you Clare." He started. "You're sick." "I'm the sick one?" I growled. "Says the person who only brought a baby into this world, just for their own personal benefit." I screamed. "I knew you couldn't handle being a dad." I said to him, anger mocking my voice. The back of his hand came back and hit my face. His face got real pale. "Oh my god." He whispered. "Clare." "I'm sorry, you know I love you." He begged. "I know its okay." "I love you too." I reassured.

We don't want to face the truth, so we make up lies. Lies that help us get through the day easier. And when it comes to saying those three little words, we know that they'll be true. Because they're the only thing we have. The only thing that'll keep us together.

**Hey Guys! Really long I know! Please review and tell me what you think! Did you like the ending? :)**


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